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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22966846">In Memoriam</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SquirrelKiln/pseuds/SquirrelKiln'>SquirrelKiln</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Ben 10 Angst, Baby [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Ben 10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Mentions of Major Character Death, no one actually dies they just talk about it a lot</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 13:35:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,665</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22966846</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SquirrelKiln/pseuds/SquirrelKiln</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Ben's planning ahead causes a great deal of misunderstanding.</p>
<p>Honestly, writing 'Dead and Not So Gone' got me in the mood to finish this fic. It's been a WIP for a couple months now since it started as venting. I managed to pull together the second half and turned it into BenRook for the sake of finishing it off on a higher note. Fun fact I only realized I hadn't used the term 'boyfriend' this entire time as I'm typing this, but 'partner' works in its stead.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rook Blonko &amp; Ben Tennyson, Rook Blonko/Ben Tennyson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Ben 10 Angst, Baby [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1649788</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>104</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>In Memoriam</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>"Are you sure you want </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span> to look for it?" Rook grimaced as he glanced from the inside of Ben's messy barracks to his partner. “I do not know my way around your… Everything. I am not sure you do either, but you would have a better idea of--”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Look, I gotta run down and make sure I didn't leave my report in the cafeteria. Grandpa would </span>
  <em>
    <span>flip</span>
  </em>
  <span> if I did and it got lost." Ben bounced from foot to foot anxiously. He put his fingers together to make the shape of a rectangle. "It's a little white box. It shouldn't even have writing on it. Just--you'll probably know it when you see it! BRB!" Without letting Rook ask any further questions, Ben jogged down the hallway back to the cafeteria. Rook let out a sigh.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh, why me?" He questioned no one. He entered Ben's barrack and carefully sifted through Ben's painfully unorganized belongings for the equally painfully small item--technically, it was a container for a rare gem that Gwen needed for some spell for a situation Rook had yet to be updated on. It was urgent enough for Rook to force himself through everything with a sense of efficiency, not that the room wanted to let him through. Had he not trusted Ben so much, he wouldn’t succumb himself to such a situation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>During his time searching he found things he had seen once or twice in the past and many things he was sure predated their partnership, as well as things he didn’t know existed... So all in all, an expected result of looking through Ben's junk. Rook knew his friend liked mementos, and in a way it was sweet finding some inconsequential things Rook had given him in the past. And on the other hand, it </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> concerning finding some weapons haphazardly placed here and there...</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pushing aside the nostalgia and mild fear, he moved his search to the closet and craned his neck to check the top shelf. In the process of moving some stacked boxes aside to get a better look at the other objects in there, a much smaller box fell from the depths and clattered to the floor. Rook carefully put the other boxes back into place and picked up the unmarked one. While the coloring was predominantly gray, it was pale enough to be mistaken for white. It wouldn’t be the first time Ben misunderstood the details while in a hurry.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rook looked the box over. ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>What had Ben said this was again?</span>
  </em>
  <span>’ He thought. ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>A rare gem of some kind</span>
  </em>
  <span>?’ He ran his thumb over the smooth surface of the thinner side and was surprised to find a small indentation, hardly large enough for the pad of his thumb. A button, maybe? While Rook was wondering whether or not he should pursue the option of pressing into the tiny mechanism to see how it functioned, the box activated.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rook was temporarily blinded by a lighting display directed into his face. He quickly moved the projection to a somewhat blank wall. After blinking away the initial shock, he realized it was a simple light projection. Ben had shown him a movie or two on a similar mechanic and sometimes the Plumbers would use them in place of physical monitors. The view being projected was someplace that Rook could vaguely recognize as Ben’s room in his parent’s home. The bed was made and the posters weren’t askew, which was much more upkept than usual.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After a couple moments of nothing, Rook began to investigate how to shut off the device when Ben came into view on the display. Rook paused. Based on the haircut Ben had, it was pre-recorded from at least a few months ago. Rook watched curiously as the image of Ben sat on the bed neatly like he was about to start a video call with a friend. He smiled neatly at the camera in the way he used while addressing the public.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"My name is Benjamin Kirby Tennyson, also known as the wearer of the Omnitrix. If you're watching this, there's a good chance I'm dead." Projection Ben didn't seem worried or scared by this revelation. Rook’s chest filled with a morbid shock that forced a sick feeling into his stomach.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"If you found this, you're probably looking through my things for any remnants of me. Or things to sell, I get it, really. There’s a few things in there I’d pawn if I wasn’t clingy to memories. Oh, unless I gave it to him there’s a Petrosapien gun model I’ve been working on that Rook would... Oh, man. I hope Rook doesn't find this first." Ben fell quiet for a bit and glanced to the side, his mind drifting to another place. He shook it off and looked back to the camera. The smile he put on in the beginning had fallen to a serious look.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Look. I know not much of what I say is gonna help you. If you really are missing me, I'm sorry. Chances are I should have done more to save the both of us from this. But I'll try and clear </span>
  <em>
    <span>some</span>
  </em>
  <span> things up, since I know I'll never say the following to anyone's face in life." Ben brushed hair out of his face and rubbed the back of his neck. Even recording alone in a room with footage that may never be seen, he obviously didn't feel comfortable sharing such intimate thoughts. He did anyway.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Grandpa. If you're still around by the time this all happens, thank you. Thank you for being there for me even when I didn't deserve it. If it weren't for you, I know for a fact I wouldn't be the hero I am today." Ben stopped his awkward shifting to look into the camera to make eye contact with the viewer. Rook didn't want to meet the look.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Rook, I--... Blonko." Ben took a deep breath. Rook’s ears twitched at not only his name, but his chosen one. Ben hardly referred to him by it unless it was something important. "... I hope you weren't the one to find me. Or this video. You're the best partner ever, too good for me, and I think we both know that… Knew that. Sorry, verb tenses are weird, it’s like time travel but worse.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I should've appreciated you more than I did. I hope what killed me didn't hurt you, too. You're an amazing Plumber and my best friend. If it weren't for you, I know I wouldn't be here, either... In life I mean. Not--you know what I meant.” Ben gave an impatient sigh at his own confusing words.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Gwen, I’m sorry for how I treated you. I expected so much of you without--” Projection Ben continued when the barrack door slid open. Rook just about jumped out of his skin, his fur standing on end until he realized who had interrupted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey! Good news, I did forget it but someone found it and put it somewhere safe so it wouldn’t get damaged if--” Ben entered and stopped in his tracks within the same moment. His eyes darted from his partner to the projection on the wall. His cheerful demeanor dropped in a second and his body language evened out to show nothing at all. A defense mechanism that was nothing short of concerning in a situation that didn't call for it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“... You aren’t supposed to be watching that.” Ben stepped forward and rudely grabbed the box from Rook’s hand, askewing the projection and causing distortion on the audio. He ran his finger over the indented side and it shut off the projection at once. The room was filled with an uncomfortable silence as Rook struggled to find the right words and Ben glared at him to keep him from saying them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“... You had that prepared,” Rook finally got out. Ben’s glare lost its misplaced venom and he glanced down at the box in his hand. Light enough to toss in the air, but weighty enough to land in his hand expectantly. He repeated the action a few more times before setting it down on his desk, then speaking.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. I’ve been updating it every now and again,” Ben replied bluntly. Rook frowned. “This one’s a couple months old. I should update it again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ben, do you… Do you really think that you will--”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Die?” Ben cut him off, looking up again. Rook set his jaw to stare back. “Of </span>
  <em>
    <span>course</span>
  </em>
  <span> I do, Blonko. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Duh.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Half the time I go on a mission I’m not entirely sure I’ll be there to make it back… You don’t even know all the times I almost didn't. Part of the job.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rook felt an unsettling feeling in his core. Of course the prospect of death was always possible on their assignments--Rook agreed to those conditions long before becoming a full fledged Plumber--but hearing Ben talk about it like it was just around the corner was something different entirely. It was dangerously past the pessimistic state Ben fell into now and again, something darker and deeper.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“... Ben,” Rook said softly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t tell me it won’t happen. You know damn well you can’t promise me that.” Ben’s glare picked up again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was not going to,” Rook replied calmly. “Place your anger in something that deserves it.” He walked forward and put a hand on Ben’s shoulder, keeping it there even while his friend tried to escape it by pulling away. “When you made this recording, you thought about anyone besides you. You never considered your own life to be lost, only the pain that would be caused by it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“While that is… Extremely concerning by itself, it is so undoubtedly </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I will not tell you that making this was wrong. Only that you are more important than what you give yourself credit for.” Rook’s touch tightened on Ben’s shoulder. A reminder he was there and an assurance that Ben wouldn't leave. “You are more than the wearer of the Omnitrix. You are Ben, and you must recognize yourself as a person instead of a hero.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“...” Ben suddenly couldn't focus on anything. His eyes darted anxiously like they did in an unsure situation. Like he was looking for danger that was sure to be nearby, even in a place that he knew to be 'safe'. “You know I have to put the job first. Everyone has to go before me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This isn’t what that phrase means, Ben.” Rook watched with a heavy heart. All of Ben's body language showed that something in his mind told him he was in danger. That he had to watch out for something that might attack him, that he shouldn't relax until he was sure the danger had passed. The only problem being that with no danger to be found the feeling wouldn't leave.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then please. Educate me on what it does,” Ben said sarcastically, though Rook could tell he didn’t mean it. He spoke anyway.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That phrase in reference to recreation--seeing a movie instead of finishing paperwork. It does not refer to disregarding your own personal safety because you do not think it is valuable. If I spoke in the same way you were, the expression you would have on your face would be enough to stop me in my tracks.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I am a bit of a hypocrite, aren’t I?” Ben’s green eyes darted to Rook’s face for a long moment before he looked away again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know that is not what I said.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s what you meant.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, it was not. Unlike you humans, I do not reserve my thoughts. I do not hold back when I fear for my partner’s safety, nor when I wonder if there is something I can do to help.” Rook’s hands slid from Ben’s shoulders to his hands. Ben didn’t return the hold like he normally did--like how sometimes he’d grab Rook’s hands so tightly it hurt--so his hands were practically slack in Rook’s.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Isn’t it ironic? Of all the things you could have found on accident, it just happens to be my will in the exact same casing as the gem Gwen needs.” Ben’s voice was flat again. Rook wouldn’t say it in the situation at hand but he could almost admire how easily Ben could shift emotions and maintain them at the same time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I suppose so. I am glad I was the one to find it.” Rook’s words caused Ben to give him a surprised look, which only received a calm smile in return. “If I had not found it we would not have had this conversation.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you hadn’t found it you wouldn’t be so worried,” Ben said a bit dryly as his surprise turned sour again... He was definitely thrown off by Rook’s sudden laughter.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, Ben. I am always worried for you.” He rubbed his thumbs over the skin of Ben’s hands. Rook still had trouble getting over how smooth humans were and, even with the scattered scars covering every part of him, how soft Ben was. “Even when I am here to protect you in one of the most secure facilities in existence, I worry. One day I know you are going to be taken from me. I fear for that day but once it comes I hope all my time spent thinking about it will allow me to embrace and accept it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Even when we are separated, we will come together again. That is our nature.” Rook brought Ben’s hand up to kiss the knuckles. Ben was silent in his shock. “I am sure nothing will stop us from returning to each other.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“... Blonko…” Ben’s voice shook. Rook let go of Ben’s hands in favor of pulling him close into a hug. Ben hardly got his arms around his partner in return when tears started to fall. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m sorry.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You have nothing to be sorry about, Ben.” Rook stroked Ben’s hair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“God, I’m so fucked up, aren’t I?” Ben said weakly. “Even when I try to control it. Everything’s so fucked up, Rook.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Isn’t it?” Rook said knowingly. “It is good we have one other to rely on, then, do you not agree?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“... You’re something else.” Ben sniffed. Rook could hear the smile coming onto the other’s face but was alright with not seeing it for a bit longer.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Says the shapeshifter,” Rook countered in a gently teasing tone. Ben snorted and hid his face in Rook’s chest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Asshole,” Ben muttered, laughing more right after. “What would I do without you, Rook?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The same you have always done. Perhaps with just a harder time… Luckily for you, I refuse to stop bothering you for as long as I live. Perhaps longer.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, no! Only I can bother </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> for eternity!” Ben pulled back to protest. Even with the tears on his face he was smiling once again. Rook reached up to wipe the tears from Ben’s face with his thumb, looking down at the other fondly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I suggest we bother each other instead… Can you help me search for the real box now, please?” Rook asked hopefully. Ben chuckled, holding Rook’s hand to his cheek.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good timing, as always… Sure, sure. I think I know where it is anyway.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh? And where is that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The pocket of the jeans I was wearing a couple days ago.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But those should have been taken out with the laundry,” Rook pointed out. Ben’s eyes shut. “... Ben.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shh. If I wasn’t so desperate for contact right now I’d be walking away awkwardly to avoid acknowledging this conversation,” Ben whispered. Rook just had to chuckle.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yes, Ben’s ever-changing moods and adaptability was impressive. Useful, too. Still, it showed itself to be a volatile habit and caused Rook to always watch out for his partner even when he didn’t need to… Despite knowing this, nothing was going to stop him. As Rook promised, he would never leave Ben if he could help it.</span>
</p>
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